Quotables

It seems lately my life is full of cliches and quotables, two things I hate to utter, but are so apropos that it seemed appropriate to write about them. Everything happens for a reason. This one seems to be my mantra in life. Some people get a lifetime pass and never have to endure disappointments or heartache. Others, like myself, got more than my fair share--much more. There is an old cliché: God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I will tell you that He has definitely tested me. There is no other explanation for all that has happened to me these past few years. From being diagnosed with cancer, losing dear friends to the same disease, and having to overcome life's challenges on both a personal and professional level, I had to believe that whatever was meant to be would be. I believed I was on the road to my happily-ever-after. I was finally seeing a ray of sunshine after so many years living under a black cloud. With an overnight change of heart, my boyfriend decided he had a new life and didn't see me as a part of it. The translation was: he cheated and broke it off so he could start a new relationship with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I shouldn't have been surprised he would do it again; I just never imagined I would be on the receiving end of it. I'm not sure what fool stated, "It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I struggle with the reason he entered my life and what purpose he/it served. It may take time or I may never know the answer, but I had comfort in the fact that my broken heart would heal and I would survive! A wise friend said it best: "Never make someone a priority in your life when all you are to them is just an option." It is what it is. Life goes on. There were bigger and better things for me and I was excited to see what those would be. I have turned the page in my book and I look forward to a new chapter in my life.

Denise Eschmann

Two years ago I met Denise at a Relay for Life meeting. I noticed her from across the room because she had very short hair and I wondered if that was a re-growth due to chemo treatments. As we went around the room, she introduced herself and shared she was an ovarian cancer survivor. I went up to her after the meeting and we shared our stories. She was telling me different things about her oncologist and how he was different from other doctors she had. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and would hug her when given good news. The story was all too familiar and I asked her who her oncologist was and lo and behold, it was Dr. Matthews. I informed her of my crush and that he was mine so she was to keep her hands off! Denise was happily married and didn’t look at him the same way I did so there was no competition. It became a joke between us. I would always ask her when she was going to see my “boyfriend” and we would compare notes about our appointments, the staff, etc. We were forever bonded, in more ways than one. Sadly, Denise's health declined rapidly. She was given a powerful dose of chemo which just about killed her. Her body was unable to tolerate it and there were no other options. The cancer had metastasized, producing seven new tumors, all located in difficult areas, decreasing her ability to breath, among other things. Her body was breaking down, succumbing to the dreaded disease and on 9/17 she lost her battle. The night before she died, accompanied by her friends and family, The American Cancer Society presented her with an award of bravery. She was weak but still had that sparkle in her eye. She was a fighter through and through and never once felt sorry for herself. She was truly a gem and one that will never be forgotten. Losing two friends within four months of each other, to the same disease, has been more than one can accept. The only comfort is that they are no longer suffering and are among the angels. Rest in peace my friends for your wings will always surround us with your love and your halo will shine brightly, today and always.

Sarah Morton

There are no words to express how saddened and devastated I am of my friend's passing who lost her life at the age of 28 to Ovarian cancer on May 13, 2010. We were introduced back in November 2008 by a mutual doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering. We immediately connected; a bond that no one else can have unless you have also experienced cancer (and at such a young age). We would laugh and cry and share stories of what was going on in our life both medically and personally. In July 2009, we attended the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance conference in Washington D.C. She picked me up at the airport and that was the first time we had met after speaking on the phone for 8 months. We spent the next few days together; sharing a room and attending the sessions together. It was like we had known each other our entire lives. I then went to her hometown of Roxboro, NC in September to celebrate her Relay For Life event. I met her boyfriend, her family, her students and co-workers and what seemed like the entire town of Roxboro. What an amazing town and one that is so unbelievably supportive to not only Sarah but to the cause. The next day we participated in an Ovarian walk. I was one of 30+ people who were there to support Sarah (everyone wore a "Sarah's sisters" shirt). I felt so blessed to have been a part of it and I will forever remember those memories. I will cherish our friendship and she certainly left her footprints on my heart and in my soul. She certainly has an incredible view from where she is. I know her halo will always shine brightly and her teal wings will constantly surround us with her love.

Festival of Races

On May 2nd, a beautiful, sunny day on Long Island, I ran a 10K (6.25 miles) alongside my cousin Paul. It was wonderful having a running partner; something that doesn't happen since no one in my family are runners. All around us we saw fellow runners warming up, stretching and setting up their iPods awaiting the words: "Ready, Set, Go." We were lined up, front and center, and crossed the start line at 8:00 am. Paul and I had a rhythm down and ran side by side the entire time. We were encouraged by those bystanders, hearing their cheers and claps all along the route. Running out on the open road, in the town where I grew up, made me realize how lucky I was to have legs that allowed me to run, a heart that was pumping my blood and lungs allowing me to breathe during those tough (why am I doing this?) times. We passed each mile marker, stamped with the time, knowing it was one closer to the finish line. I kept thinking about the moment when I would see my supportive family and boyfriend on the sideline, who would provide me with congratulatory hugs and kisses. I saw them and heard them cheering as we crossed the finish line at 1:05:34. We took pictures and I thoroughly enjoyed that moment in time with my family and the man I loved beside me. Next year, I will once again participate, but instead of the 10K, it will be the half marathon (13 miles). It was a fantastic day and one that I will always remember. It's these moments in life that will be forever cherished.

Relay For Life

The American Cancer Society's Relay For Life is a life-changing event that gives everyone in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease. At Relay, teams of people camp out at a local high school, park, or fairground and take turns walking or running around a track or path. Each team is asked to have a representative on the track at all times during the event. Because cancer never sleeps, Relays are overnight events and 18 hours in length. I have been a part of the annual event for the past 3 years and the last 2 as entertainment chair. We have a team comprised of 20 people and we raise money throughout the year. This year our team raised over $7,500 and I personally raised over $1,600. Our event's goal was $38,000 and we exceeded our goal for the 2nd year, this year raising over $40,000. It is an amazing event which brings the community together with one goal in mind. By supporting Relay For Life, you help make the American Cancer Society’s mission possible, and that helps us all move closer to our ultimate goal: a world with less cancer and more birthdays. If you are interested in donating or participating in your community's event, please visit www.relayforlife.org/oakleaffl. Thank you to everyone who supported me this year and continue to be there for me during my cancer journey. With all the love, support and prayers I have received, I'll be able to celebrate my 34th birthday in June.

Bosom Buddies

I was fortunate enough to attend a support group, speak and share my story in front of other cancer survivors. These women battled breast cancer and a handful have also been stricken with multiple cancers, all who are at various stages of their life. Many were surprised at my age for they were expecting an "older" person. And I stated that cancer is not age discriminatory. After sharing my entire story, from tumor discovery to reaching my year cancer-free anniversary milestone, many offered their comments and asked questions. We were all there to help each other so there was nothing that was off limits. I answered everything they wanted to know truthfully and in explicit detail. Maybe one of them would find themselves in a similar situation as I had been through so now they would have a little more education as to what to ask the doctors or how to handle the situation. As the meeting concluded, each of these women approached me to say thank you or what an inspiration I had been to them. One woman, who is bitter that cancer has invaded her body twice, asked me to help her overcome this anger so she can move on with her life. She is also interested in joining my support group so she can relate to others who are going through a similar situation. Hugs and kisses were given from people whom I had never met before that evening. There is a bond like no other that you share when you have all survived cancer; one that you are unable to relate to unless you have been lived through it. To look around the room and see all of these amazing women in their own right, in different stages of their cancer journeys, is affirmation that our individual strengths and determination are the stepping stones in beating this horrific disease, showing this illness who is boss!

Gate River Run

I started running, after a 2 1/2 year break, back on October 1, 2009. That was a good day as any to get back into it and start training for races and ultimately the NYC Marathon which I'll be running in November 2011 with my oncologist. I run 3 miles every other day so I figured I would be completely ready by March. So in January, I registered for the Gate River Run which is a 15K (9.3 miles) and the most attended non-marathon race in the country. There were 20,000 participants in total, 15,000+ registered for the 15K. I was regretting my decision and should have registered for the 5K which would have been a breeze to complete but I had to think "big." So there I am completely surrounded by thousands and I start a conversation with a woman who is a cancer survivor. What are the odds of that? We ran together for the first 3+ miles and the time passed quickly and we conversed the entire time and surprisingly I wasn't even out of breath. I felt fantastic and had 6 miles to go. "I think I can, I think I can" was my mantra for the day. I had nothing to prove to anyone; I was taking my time and pacing myself for the upcoming miles. I took in those around me. There were a group of firemen who ran with their entire turnout gear, scott packs and their helmets. If they can run with an additional 50+ pounds, then I can certainly do it. A gentleman had a t-shirt promoting organ donation and it stated he received a new heart back in May of 2002. There was a lady in a racing wheelchair who was keeping up with the runners. At that moment I was blessed I had workable legs. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be outrun by a wheelchair so I picked up my pace. There were people lined up on the streets throughout the entire race, clapping and shouting your name (which was displayed on your run tag) for encouragement. There were many who were tiring out and were walking each mile so I was one step ahead of them. I stopped to get water when it was needed and I walked for a few minutes at a time, but I continued on with the image of me crossing the finish line. Before I knew it, I was nearing mile 7 and had about 35 minutes before the 2 hour mark. I overheard a walker say she would be happy to finish before 2 hours and I thought that was a goal I could achieve as well. The last mile of the race is over a steep bridge (labeled "The Green Monster") that ends at the finish line. I ran over the bridge and picked up my pace when I saw the clock read 1:59:46 and I crossed the finish line at 1:59:55. I placed 9,974 out of 13,341 runners who completed the race. Oh what a feeling--I did it! I achieved my goal and it felt amazing. I ran over 8 out of the 9+ miles and a few days ago when I was dragging ass during my 3 mile run, I never thought I would be able to do it. I proudly placed a medal of completion around my neck and joined the others in a celebratory huff and puff and received a high-five from my proud father along with a flash from the camera capturing my moment. It was at that time I realized my muscles were screaming at me so I plopped and stretched which was the start of a routine that I would continue throughout the day into the next--can you say Tylenol? I never imagined I would be able to run a race less than a year after chemo. I thanked God I was healthy enough to do it and that my lungs and heart could endure such a run. This was the first of many to come and I am looking forward to each and every one of them.

Wheel of Fortune - Bonus Round

Today was the day I was one step closer to meeting Pat and Vanna--my final audition for Wheel of Fortune. I had been watching each night, practicing the puzzles hoping that I would be able to solve them just as quickly when it counted. I was placed in a room with 50 lucky wheel watchers and we had to complete a questionnaire that asked everything from what level of education we had to our careers, interests and what station Wheel was on in the town we lived in. We watched a video of clips from various shows during their 25th Anniversary year as well as a good luck video from Pat and Vanna. Then the real fun began...We each got called on to showcase our puzzle solving skills. The letters of the first puzzle were filling in and my name was called. I spun for a "C" (using my loud, personable voice) and was able to solve the puzzle: "Scuba Diving Around The Island." I won an exclusive Wheel t-shirt as a prize. After everyone had their chance at a puzzle, we continued onto round 2 of the audition process. We were given a test with 4 categories, 16 puzzles in total, to solve within a five minute period. There were 2 versions so you couldn't cheat with the person sitting besides you. I was able to complete 10 and partially filled in some of the others. It was more difficult that I would have imagined and 5 extra minutes would have been ideal! We waited 15 minutes while they graded the papers and then selected 10 individuals to continue on to the final round. I wasn't one of them and was surprised at some of those that were selected (especially the man who almost knocked over one of the staffers). There is no rhyme or reason; you don't know what they look for. Everything happens for a reason. I think it would have been worse for me to get out to L.A. (on my own dime) and lose on the show. Or maybe ABC is going to call me to be the next Bachelorette and I wouldn't have been able to do both. I can wait a year to audition again. Depending on what stage of life I'm in at the time, I may just do that or just chalk it up to an exciting adventure that will make an interesting story one day.

Wheel of Fortune

I have been a fan of Wheel of Fortune for decades. It was a game that I excelled at; always solving the puzzles before the contests. It seemed so easy at home and I thought numerous times to myself and out loud that I would be a great contestant. I went online and submitted an application more than once in the hopes that I would get on as an individual, or with my best friend (for Best Friends Week) or during the NFL week where I would share the stage with Tiki Barber. I never did get that call from Pat or Vanna but the next best thing did happen. The Wheel contestant bus made a stop in Jacksonville in November. I went down to the baseball grounds both days, sweating in the extreme heat, where a mock stage was set and all the excitement buzzed around us in the stands. There was a letter board, a wheel with various prizes to be won, cutouts of Pat and Vanna as well as a table displaying Wheel paraphernalia. There were 3 sessions each day (I did a total of 5) where you completed a different colored application each time, waiting in line once again to have your chance at winning. Each slip went into a large rolly bin and 6 people were called down at one time. There were about 60 or so people called within a 1.5 hour time frame. I waited patiently as the names were called out, watching the excited hopefuls scream and bounce down the stairs, wishing I would be able to do the same. You got your picture taken first then you met the traveling MC and answered a few questions and showcased your talents or personality while the Wheel staff taped your moment in the spotlight. Then you had an opportunity to solve the puzzle. Whether you did or not, it wasn't a guarantee that you were or weren't going to make the next audition round. My name never did get called either day, but it was certainly an experience to see firsthand how contestant searches were conducted. The good news was that the remaining applications were going back on the bus to L.A. where they would randomly pick applications for the next round of audition tryouts. You would be notified via email if you were lucky enough to make it, which would take place back in Jacksonville in the beginning of 2010. I figured my chance had expired, after not hearing from them, but lo and behold, today was the day I received the email informing me that I made the final cut and am due back on 3/11 for my audition. If I am chosen, I will be on my way to L.A. for the taping. This is a dream come true and I'm one step closer to the reality of winning a million dollars. You just have to believe...

Bejeweled Blitz

Are you a Bejeweled Blitz addict on Facebook? I would always see the posts on my friends' pages with their medals and scores. I knew the premise of the game but didn't want to get involved. For those who don't know of this game, you must move around the colored jewels on the board, 3 of the same color in a row in order for them to burst. If you burst more than 3, you get more points, quickly adding to your score. I would read the smack talk amongst the players; each week trying to outscore each other and climb up the ladder of high scorers. Well, one day my curiosity finally got the best of me so I decided to see what all the fuss was about. It didn't take me long to be become an "addict." Each Tuesday the game resets allowing you to climb back up the leader board, trying to beat your previous scores. Every so often new game features and elements are added, only making the game more interesting. Up to this point, my highest score was around 375,000 but many of my friends regularly scored in the 400's never allowing me to be in first place. Today I scored my highest ever, 495,300 and slid into second place behind my friend Scott who had a score of 587,800. He is always the high scorer and is always the one to beat. I'm not sure if I'll ever see that score again so I wanted to share my excitement and document it.

Bowling Queen

Last night I bowled with my special friends, all who are over the age of 55. Now you're probably wondering why would a 33 year old be spending a Saturday evening with seniors...let me explain. They are part of a Double Nickel club that my parents started when they moved to Jacksonville. They are the most amazing, supportive and loving people who came into my life during my illness. They are not just friends; they are family. I became the mascot for the club and two monthly activities that I partake in are Bunco (a dice game) and bowling. I bowled a 112 (2nd place) and a 142 (1st place) which was one pin shy of tying my all time highest score. We continued the fun by going out to dinner at IHOP enjoying breakfast for dinner. I was the only one that ordered off the regular menu while the others enjoyed the senior fares. There are some benefits of being "older." These are things to look forward to and after thinking I was never going to see my 32nd birthday, I will celebrate the year I turn 55!

Book Worm

One passion of mine is reading. I am always seen with a book. When people ask me how many books I read in a given period of time, I can estimate but never know for sure so I decided to keep track last year. I read 68 books in 2009 and read 16 books in January alone, definitely on track to exceeding my previous year count. I read many different books and authors and have enjoyed each one. I am a huge fan of James Patterson and have now read all of his books. He writes one a month (or so it seems) so there will be new books coming soon. Janet Evanovich is an author that many suggest but I hadn't been all that impressed with the books that I had read of hers. They were predictable but the number series, profiling a character Stephanie Plum and her ridiculous journeys in life, are enjoyable and I'm reading those into between other authors. I also picked up Nelson DeMille again. He is an incredibly talented author and I enjoy his stories, most of which takes place on Long Island, a place that I called home for 28 years. For those who are book worms, I would suggest the following authors: Jodi Picoult, Sophie Kinsella (also writes under Madeleine Wickham) Debbie MacComber, Jane Green, Emily Giffin (have read all of hers), Mary Higgins Clark, Dan Brown, and that is only naming a few! Here's a tip: for those who favor authors, copy their list of books and cross them off as you read them. This saves you from forgetting what you read and wasting time re-reading a book that you did already. There is also a rule of thumb for readers--if you get to the page of your age and you're not into the book, close it up and pick up another one. There are too many good books out there for you to waste your time on a bad one. I'm always open for new authors or titles of books that come highly recommended. So please share!

Tattoo2

I am now a two-time tattoo owner! I guess I can say tattoo2 to go along with my cancer2 (squared) theme! My long-time NY friend Theresa came for a weekend visit and we went together to get our new tattoos. My first tattoo is of a butterfly which is placed on my right foot. Never thinking I would want another, even though I was warned it is addicting, it took almost 8 years to add another. After going through my cancer ordeal, proud to call myself a survivor, I wanted to proudly display my cancer ribbon, teal in color, signifying all gynecological cancers. After much consideration as to where the appropriate locale should be, I opted for the nape of the neck. I am happy with the final product and know that I'm forever branded as a two-time cancer / tattoo survivor!

A Day with the Oncologist

I received wonderful news today. My CT scan was clear, my blood work was perfect and my exams checked out just fine. What a great way to start the year! So the bad news was that my oncologist isn't available to run the NYC Marathon for this year so we're going to run the 2011 race. It gives me plenty of time to practice and keep up with him, since he's a seasoned marathon runner. I had my work cut out for me so in a way I'm relieved but also a tad bit disappointed because once I have a goal in mind I go for it. Now I'll have mini races in between to get myself in the best shape of my life. I registered for the River Run and we'll run that race together. It will be the motivation I need to get through 9 miles and if I feel faint, I have my doctor right beside me! It's the best of both worlds!

Happy Tuesday

Not much has happened(which is a good thing) so it has been a week since I've blogged. Last week was filled with tests and doctor appointments so this week I'm able to catch up on some things. I played the addicting Facebook game Bejeweled Blitz and scored my highest points ever with 348,150 and am the leader among my friends, for the time being! It's finally warming up so I'm able to go out running without bundling up and getting wind blown. I have never, in the 4+ years I've lived here, had to put the heat on for weeks at a time. So much for saving on my electric bill. It will be turned off once the weather hits the forecasted 70 degrees. That is one perk of living in Florida in January! Now I can get out on the green and hit some golf balls. Game on!

A Day of Firsts

Today was a day of firsts: I ran in 40 degree weather and I submitted an application to become the next Bachelorette. The weather is going to only get colder in the next few weeks so I have to bundle up and just run...run Janice run...in order to keep up with my training schedule. I still wonder how I'll be ready to run 9 miles in less than 2 months but when I put my mind to something, I go for it! Life is too short to not follow your heart. On that note, I decided to see if my prince charming is out there is a non-traditional way. Why can't I find love on TV? It would certainly be an unbelievable experience and an exciting addition to my book! We'll see what happens.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! A new decade and new beginnings. I woke up hoping and praying that this will be a good year filled with happiness as well as my continued health. I took a run in the afternoon despite the chilly weather, but that can't be a deterrent for me. It's amazing how a born New Yorker can't stand to be outside in 50 degrees! My marathon training is in full swing; 70 days until the River Run (9 miles) and 120 days until the LI Marathon (13 miles). I'm not even counting the days until the 26.2 miles in NYC come November. I spent the day with family and saw an adorable movie "Hotel For Dogs" before calling it a night. One day down...what will the next days / months bring?